On Learning that my Ninjutsu Extends Only to Spiders

One Lump or Two?

There are certain things in this world, this great big world of ours, certain happenings, which, despite their apparent banality, cannot truly be appreciated until they’ve been experienced first-person. Prior to that, no imagination can approach them – not really. The problem is that, in your fantasies, you always have the power of graceful response to any situation. The situation itself is immaterial: it’s your imagination, and the mental avatar that represents you there has endless lives. Endless lives that he nonetheless rarely needs. The obnoxious word “sangfroid” comes to mind. The increasingly obnoxious phrase “like a boss.” Qualities whose wide-spread idealization speaks to their rarity.

But then, one day, finally, you come face to face – with The Real Thing.

You come face to face…

…with your first mouse.

Mouse, noun: a small rat, whose smallness is frequently mistaken, as it is in young humans, for cuteness.


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